I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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