Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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