How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
