The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
