Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
