I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
