you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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