How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
