I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
