you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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