so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
