i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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