I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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