She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
