you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize