she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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