Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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