I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
