He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
