I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
