found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
