Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
