It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
