Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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