i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
