Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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