I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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