Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Text me some of your sweat
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
