It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
