i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
