I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
