I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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