the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
