I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
