You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
