Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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