can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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