She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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