He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize