I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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