apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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