hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
