god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Please, let me fuck your mom
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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