Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
