I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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