I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
