I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
