Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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