why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
