just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
