I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
