Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
