Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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