yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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