i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
