I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
