there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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