Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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