and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
