So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
