I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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