I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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