for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
