...so i touched it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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