New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well I just put wine in my tea
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
