guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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