South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
