That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
