nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i need some magic done to my vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
