at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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