Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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