So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
