i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
