Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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