Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
