Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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