And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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