I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
