Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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