3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
