She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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