I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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