So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
