Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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