Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
