dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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