Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
