you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
