yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
