I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
