And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
