i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
