once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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