Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
