I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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