It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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